DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish.................................49
Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone
Athletic...............................No breasts
Average looking..................Moooo
Beautiful..............................Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure...........On medication
Free Spirit...........................Junkie
Friendship first....................Former Slut
New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned.....................No B.J.'s
Open-minded.......................Desperate
Outgoing............................Loud and
embarrassing
Professional.......................Bitch
Feminist..............................Fat????
Voluptuous.........................Very fat
Large frame........................Hugely fat
Wants soul mate.................Stalker


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes.. ..................................No
No............................... .......Yes
Maybe................................No
We need.............................I want
I am sorry......................... You'll be sorry
We need to talk..................You're in trouble

Fine, go ahead...................You better not
Do what you want............You will pay for this later
I am not upset.....................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're very attentive tonight......Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry..........................I am hungry
I am sleepy...........................I am sleepy
I am tired..............................I am tired
Nice dress............................Nice cleavage
I love you..............................Let's have sex now
I am bored............................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?.................I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?.....I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit......I'm gay